I am so torn between my husband and my ex who’s begging me to leave him

DEAR DEIDRE: THE chemistry was as strong as ever when I hooked up with my old flame. I love a bit of kink and he knows how to excite me. 

My marriage is so bad I’m having a full-blown affair with him, and he’s begging me to leave my hubby.

Sexually my ex ticks all the boxes, but as woeful as my marriage is, I realise it would be crazy to throw everything away for a  lust fest. 

I’d be heading for trouble because my old flame has drink and drug addiction problems. He is 44.

But there isn’t that much to keep me at home — sex with my husband is dull and boring. 

He was also addicted to drugs and though he managed to kick that habit, he’s replaced it with alcohol.

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He won’t admit he has a problem and it’s driving a huge wedge between us.

He doesn’t work  and spends what  money he has on booze.

I’ve told him to leave several times, but he has nowhere to go. I’m 41 and my husband’s 43. We’ve been married for 15 years and have a 13-year-old son. 

Last week he hit an all-time low when he stole money from our son.

After I confronted him, he pushed me around and called me an ugly bitch. I even told my husband I was going to see my ex but he didn’t bat an eyelid.

I know my ex isn’t good for me. I don’t know if it’s a sexual thing or if I have a deep-rooted love for this man but we can’t keep apart.

 It isn’t the first time our paths have crossed. He always appears when I’m at a low ebb.

I've met a dreamy Spaniard who makes me happy - but he's also dating my sister

DEIDRE SAYS: What’s clear is that neither of these men is right for you. 

Your husband’s an abusive alcoholic but unless he admits he has a problem and seeks help, nothing will change.

You have lost the emotional connection and the trust with him – and for many people that hurts the most. 

Your husband refuses to leave so you need to seek legal advice so contact Rights Of Women (rightsofwomen.org.uk, 020 7251 6577).

Your ex is an addict too,  you know he’s not Mr Right either. No matter how wonderful a relationship is in bed, it cannot survive on sex alone. 

He may give you sexual thrills but  offers you nothing more. Focus on  your marriage first as any unstable home is damaging for children. My support pack Abusive Partner will help.

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